Taking care IS living life

Buzzzy. Busy, busy, busy.
Go to doctor...check.
Go to other doctor and get glasses...check.
Do dialysis...check.
Call my sister, make her cry her eyes out...check.
Make love to my husband before he goes to work...check.
Go get gas in the car...check.
Do dialysis again...check.
Go to my brothers, help him with his business...check.
Go to Idaho Youth Wheelchair Sports Camp meeting...check.
Drive home...check.
Make a pie for my husband to say I love him for kissing me all over...check.
Do the dishes...check.
Write my blog...

That's pretty much what I did today so far. And the night is still young! It's only 10:20pm!
The scary part is this is a typical day for me. I'm a pretty busy women for not having a "real" job, not having kids, and being broke! Amazing, actually. Humm...

So, I have to expound on a couple of things...clarify, if I may.
Yes, I made my older sister cry today. I called her and told her I wouldn't be able to come and watch her kids while her and her husband went on a trip together. I thought I was doing the right thing by telling her I couldn't come because I had a really really important song to sing at this one meeting and it was my life we were talking about and I really needed to take care of myself! It's so hilarious, the "taking care of myself" thing. It's such a foreign concept for me to take care of myself that I inevitable always end up thinking I have to ditch everyone else to do it! It's just silliness! I got off the phone with my sister and felt horrible for making her cry. So I went to my advice person...my husband. I told him what was going on. He simply replied..."Why don't you just go after your other engagement? You'll still make it there on time? "
A big DUH to me!! Why didn't I think of that?!? Why in the WORLD did I think I had to ditch my sisters two adorable kids just because I had this other thing I didn't want to miss? I guess it's because I have so many family dynamics entrenched in my DNA that I cant think clearly sometimes. I just thought, for some reason that, if I couldn't make it for the whole week...visit my sister and stuff before she left on her trip, the drive to her house (8 hours) would be futile! I don't know why...it doesn't make any damn sense...it's just programing! Old crappy programming!
I immediately called my crying sister back and told her I was mistaken and OR COURSE I could come. I was just having a momentary brain relapse freeze. That's all! I assured her I loved her and her two adorable, lovable kids and I couldn't wait to see them. PHEW!! I'm glad I got that cleared up! That could have ended up the biggest drama since my parents got divorced!
I think we both learned a huge lesson. You never have to go back on your word, and you can really do anything you want....even if you are on a life sabbatical of taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself doesn't mean you have to become a nun or a monk. It simply means you are doing the things your body, mind, and spirit need while amidst your life!
Now, I look back on my day and I realize...is my focus really to take care of myself? I mean...I'm doing a crazy amount of stuff! Is that my real focus? My answer is happily YES. That is my focus. I did a lot today...a lot of things for other people. But the whole day I was focused on what I needed. I ate when I needed to, I headed home when I needed to, I thought when I needed to, And I sang when I needed to. I would say that was doing a hell of a good job taking care of myself.
I gave the same sister a card not too long ago that said "It's exhausting trying to be me." I can relate to this. I think it's really true at times. And I guess that's really why my focus is on taking care of me right now...until I know! I really know myself and how to take care of her. She's pretty important to me and I want her to stick around. So I guess I'm willing to do whatever it takes to do that. But today I learned it doesn't always mean you have to hide out or disappear to do that. You can do the taking care while hanging out with your adorable niece and nephew while they fight, play, sing, dance, draw, laugh, and cry. Because, after all, taking care is letting life!

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